he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
