hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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