I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
