then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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