Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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