Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
