So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Boobs are out for the taking
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
