it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
