hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
