I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
