I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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