I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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