i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
