eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
