This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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