Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
