next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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