YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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