guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
