Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
