i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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