Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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