apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
is that a dick in a sweater?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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