oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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