Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
