No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
