how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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