Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
