Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
