A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
