i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
