I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
