I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
