Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I smell like Dick and happiness
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
