Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
