Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
