I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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