you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
