i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
