what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
