life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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