a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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