I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
