i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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