wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
