My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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