I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
