remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
