okay pat passed out under dana's car
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
