They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Say something about gay babies.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
