I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
