I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
